Time Out or In?

Part of parenting a toddler is figuring out how you will handle the tantrums. 
I read everything, so I have read plenty of articles and books about how to deal with this particular rite of passage.  At first, I was convinced I could just snuggle up with my little man and hug and kiss all the "mean reds" away.  
That didn't work for the same reason wearing him in the sling everywhere didn't work.  His fierce independence demands that Mommy not coddle him too much.  Don't get me wrong, he runs to me in a heartbeat if he gets a boo boo or starts to get sleepy. But when he's mad... that's a whole new ball game.
Noah got his stubborn independence from me and I'm really proud of those character traits. However, it has it's drawbacks when he's trying to dump granola all over the floor or head butt his cousin.  
I knew I didn't want to do a traditional time out with him. The idea of my spirited little guy on a naughty step by himself or facing the corner of a wall alone didn't seem like it would work. How would I get him to stay there? He'd just be abandoned to handle all those strong emotions by himself? Not to mention that my own childhood memories of time out mostly involve me daydreaming while waiting for my mom to cool down. [I'm pretty sure that's not the message she was trying to send by sticking my nose in a corner.] 
Then I read about time-ins.  Time-ins involve holding your little one until the big feelings subside and silently reassuring them.  I knew that wouldn't exactly work either. When Noah is angry he is a fireball! He alternates between throwing himself on the floor and screaming with as much gusto as he can muster. 
In the end we settled on our own version of a time-in, which is really somewhere between the two methods. Sometimes I sit nearby and make sure he's safe while letting him get out all the big feelings. I offer hugs, but don't force them. Usually he will come to me in the end, but it's important that he does it of his own will. 
Other times [like when he's tackling his cousins] I have him sit beside me quietly without any toys. I only make him sit for a minute or two, then I explain why we needed to "take a break." This seems to be working. Since starting this, there are times when he will come to me and say "Mommy, I take a break." 

He is learning a lot from these methods:
1. The behavior wasn't okay.
2. Mommy [or Daddy] will always be there to give a hug or help.
3. It's okay to show our feelings, as long as we don't hurt anyone.
4. Everyone needs to take a break sometimes.

So if you're having trouble with the tantrums and the time-outs aren't working, don't be afraid to try your own version. After all, God made you the parent of your child and no one else for a very good reason.
Want more? Check out:
Dr. Laura Markham at AHA Parenting!
Mayim Bialik's Beyond the Sling
Mary Sheedy Kurcinka