Feeling Connected to This Baby

Sometimes I don’t feel as connected to this second pregnancy as I was with my first. I spent the first half of my first pregnancy battling Hyperemesis Graviderum (a severe form of morning sickness). My physical health had a great impact on my emotions. I didn’t feel bonded with him until the sickness started to wane. Before that it was mostly just survival and feeling sorry for myself.

With this pregnancy, my second, I’m feeling a bit apathetic at this point. It’s not that I don’t care. I care a great deal and I’m taking care of myself and this pregnancy as best I can with a toddler in tow. I just don’t feel that connection yet. I’m not round-the-clock sick the way I was the first time, so it’s not that. I can’t really explain it. Maybe the hormonal connection hasn’t kicked in yet.

I suspect it has more to do with this being my second pregnancy though.  I’m so busy with my toddler; I don’t really lie around touching my stomach and talking to the baby. I don’t get to focus as much energy on building a connection in the womb as I did the first time. I’m busy connecting with my son that is already out here in the world looking at me and asking me to play with him.

I know that I love this baby and I want this baby to be healthy and happy and safe. I just don’t feel the sort of comradery that I did with my son after we survived the Hyperemesis. Is that awful? I hope not.

Hopefully my feelings will change as this pregnancy continues. I know that my heart will grow and love both my children equally. Will I be bonded with both of them? One day soon I know that I will, but for now this love is more of a slow burn than the instant bonfire I had with my son.

-The Crazy Earth Mama